Political Premier League

I’m sat in the back garden at Severn Sport HQ enjoying the lovely sunny weather and i’m thinking i haven’t published an article for a while. So now i’m sitting with a blank page and thinking what the bloody hell should I write about? I waste some time, check twitter, facebook, send some funny videos to Kelsey then I get rudely interrupted by a political canvasser at the front door. After tell him my political views (which took all of 25 seconds) I sat back down and thought about the British political parties and the race for number 10 and naturally thought of the race for Europe in the Premier League

This years general election is the toughest to call in years, much like the Premier league top eight going in to “the business end” of the season. They’re both made up of the usual faces but mixed in with some outsiders who are pushing forward to spoil the party for the big boys. The race for Britain’s top job isn’t a million miles away from the race for the top eight in Britain’s top football league.


So i’m going to start with the champions elect of the Premier League, Chelsea. Seven points ahead at the top of the league as I type this they’re looking very likely to be picking up the Premier League trophy come May. They have been running things in the Premier League this season, however they are not without their slight lapses in concentration, much like their political comparison, The Conservative Party. They’ve been running the country since the last general election (yes a little help from the Lib Dems). They look like the strongest party in the election this year at this stage. They have a leader who can talk a good talk and has a bit of swag, yes i just said David Cameron has swag, we’ve seen the vines of him sitting down a back bencher with a par or two. And yes I am comparing him to Jose Mourinho! A man with swag, banter and a good ability to talk a good talk. If you need any other reason to compare them, they’re both blue, simple.





Next up is Labour, a party who have gone through a bit of a transition in recent years. Running things one minute, the next they’re fighting to win back voters. They’ve chosen their man to steer the ship back to the top with Ed Milliband, who is a man often met with a groan or a question mark at some of his decisions but despite the shortcomings labour seem to be pushing forward with Ed and some decent local MPs and of course their hard core supporters will always be voting for them and they will hope to be rewarded with a Labour government. Much like Manchester United. A team which has gone through a transition in recent years. They were Premier League champions and fell from grace but now under the new head man of Louis Van Gaal they seem to be pushing back up the table and picking up points with a decent squad, United supporters have stuck with them through the changes and will want to be rewarded with Champions League football. Also they’re both red, see where i’m going with this…

First I told United to get Moyes in, Then I told Labour to get you in... hahahah
First I told United to get Moyes in, Then I told Labour to get you in… Hahaha!



The next team on the list is Liverpool. We all know about the reds, constantly getting their supporters hopes up only to disappoint. In a way you could say they give false hope or broken promises, a little like their comparison political party, The Liberal Democrats. The Libs Dems let their voters down as they promised to cut tuition fees if they came to power, they did as part of a coalition with the Tories but they didn’t do what they said they would. Both Liverpool and the Lib Dems have had some small success recently and they surprised some at the last election in 2010 and coming to power in a coalition with the Conservatives. Liverpool won the League Cup in 2012 and made it into the top 4 last season, small success, but nothing huge. Also if that wasn’t enough, Liberal Democrats and Liverpool both begin with the letter L.




Arsenal, like Liverpool, small successes recently winning the FA Cup last year and being top 4 for the last God knows how many years… The Gunners always have good ideas and talk a good talk, they threaten to break the top two teams but never really do in the end. Unless you’re a Spurs fan they’re the team that a lot of people feel indifferent about, neither love nor hate. I’m comparing them to the Green Party, a party with a leader who, without being rude, is a little hard to understand like Arsene Wenger. They have had success in the last 18 months, winning their first ever MP in Parliament in 2010 being the most notable. This election they have been touted by many as the team to cause an upset for the big parties but in the end probably won’t. Also like Arsenal, many wouldn’t be too annoyed if they did break the big guns at the top, or in this case, the big 3 parties. I’m clutching at straws now but I think that the pitch at the Emirates is always the greenest, like the Green Party.

There's a slight resemblance to Arsene Wenger in there...
There’s a slight resemblance to Arsene Wenger in there…



The next one was a little difficult to match with anyone, its The UK Independence Party. Seen by many as a one policy party with their constant shouting about the EU and leaving the Union. I was trying to find a team with one policy and all I could pick was Manchester City, but then I looked and found more. Manchester City’s one policy is “SPEND MONEY”. Since their Arab takeover all they have done is spend, if they haven’t succeeded they spend, if they have succeeded they spend! Because of their spending they haven’t been seen for their other policies such as their good community program, like UKIP they’re not too well known for their other policies apart from get the UK out of the EU. Because of these reasons a lot of people across the country dislike them; UKIP for their constant EU bashing and Man City for their constant spending. Also their top men are a bit odd, Nigel Farage and Manuel Pellegrini. They’ve also only come out as a major contender recently. In the last general election UKIP weren’t spoken about too much, this time around they’ve been on the TV debates, been talked about on TV, Radio, Social Media, they’re a big deal this time much like City who have only became a contender since their takeover and since they got rich, gaining exposure, TV, Radio, Social Media. They both also like Oasis…

A Manchester City fan



Next up is Tottenham Hotspur. They’re a side who have risen up in recent times to always be snapping at the heels of the top four. They had a big blow a short while back losing their best player and the most expensive player in the world, Gareth Bale. He went off to Real Madrid and left many thinking how will Spurs recover. This is why i’m linking them to the SNP, The Scottish National Party. They took a big blow recently losing the big Scottish Independence vote which they pushed for so hard. Losing the vote got people talking about how the party would recover and since that vote in 2014, under new leadership with Nicola Sturgeon they have done that with many saying that they could play a big part in the government if a coalition is required again. This is much like Spurs who have coped well losing Bale under new leadership since 2014 when Mauricio Pochettino left Southampton to take over at White Hart Lane, they could play a big part in who gets in to which competition in Europe this season. Also the SNP colors are yellow and black like the Spurs 2nd and 3rd kits.




Two left and its the turn of Plaid Cymru, the Welsh National Party. This one is going to be easy, they are linked to Swansea. Both Welsh, obviously, but both have risen up recently with more awareness of both. The Swans are currently sitting 8th as I type with Plaid Cymru just completing their first National TV debate with the other party leaders. Both don’t really have a big chance of challenging at the top just yet but will be happy with their performances and will hope to finish well. Also, did I mention they are both in Wales?




Finally, last but not least, the fat lady sings etc… The team to end this list of Politics and Football or Footlitcs if you’d rather, are Southampton. 7th at the moment, got to dizzy heights earlier in the season but we knew they’d face out, despite this they’ll be very happy with where they are in the table as they have only been back in the Premier League since 2012 after a few years of disaster, to put it another way, “they’re happy to be there.” The phrase “they’re happy to be there” is a good way to describe The Monster Raving Looney Party. A fun party who are enjoying just being on the ballot paper among the rest, they know they won’t compete at the top but they give it a good go and have fun doing it… Happy to be there! Also final fact there are no Loonies standing in Southampton… Step forward, Jay Rodriguez.




So there we have it, an informative but pointless comparison of British football & politics or ‘Footolitics’ if you like, something you can use in the pub perhaps, but all I know is its going to be a tense May!

Do you have any ideas of football teams like political parties? Let us know! Tweet us @SevernSport, and whoever you team or political preference, good luck!


Matt Yates