“I had given up” – #GetButlerActive Update

This weekend saw my 10-year anniversary of moving to the Gloucestershire for the first time. It was spent going to Fairford with Kelsey before going out for dinner with my parents who had come to visit and my sister and I think my mum could see the pain in my eyes.

Pain from stiffness in my hip that I am still feeling every now and then, but more so the mental pain from the effects I am still feeling following the incident at Quedgeley back in August.

For those who don’t know, due to not having breakfast in the morning and being out in the blistering heat that Saturday, I ended up fainting and ended up needing to go to A&E after the heavy landing also caused my back to lock completely.

But since then there has been no further updates, with me saying that I needed to concentrate on myself for a while and being completely honest there has also been no motivation.

I stopped step counting, I stopped the lunchtime walks and I stopped trying. Let’s be real, I gave up. Mentally I lost a lot of confidence and I let it dictate how I was feeling for a number of weeks.

From trying to force myself off the ground and then being cramped in a hospital bed for 6 hours, the first week saw my knees in absolute bits, my big toes bruised and my ego well and truly battered.

Physically I felt fine within about 10 days or so, still occasionally suffering from stiffness and tightness in the left hip and hamstring and that is going to be down to the fact I stopped.

I’m not sure if Kelsey had noticed a change in me as it hasn’t been something discussed, but there have been a few people tell me I don’t seem the same and that isn’t something you want to hear.

But since the incident there have been days and nights where I have been angry with myself or upset or being honest, I have also spent time letting self doubt control me and I was second guessing everything I was doing. It has been tough.

So over the last week I have got my mindset back to where I was, I went on my first lunchtime walk for the first time in weeks on Friday and it helped me, I felt better physically and mentally for doing it and now I feel like I am ready to start again.

The updates will come from me, not every week, but they will come. I still feel like I need to focus on me for a while, but I wanted to put this update out there to not just let everyone know how hard it has been for me, but also to show everyone that it is ok to admit that things aren’t going your way and it is having an impact on you; whilst making sure you are doing what is best for you as an individual.

I know people will see this and people will reply to this and the support shown throughout has meant everything to me, so you don’t need to worry about me, I am fine and I am back to where I need to be mentally.

West Is Best. Always

The Big Man