I sit here tonight, Sunday 31st January, having just arrived home and just finished tucking into a microwavable “Beef” Lasagna, all this after attending Gloucester Wrestling’s 5th show; again at the Community Centre in Churchdown, Gloucester. Unfortunately it was announced prior to the show that the Severn Sport Best in Gloucester trophy holder Sid Scala wasn’t in attendance, nor was local hero Justin Sysum.
This meant that I arrived rife with intrigue and wonder as to what and whom I was about to witness in the middle of the squared circle.
The announcer comes to the ring slightly after quarter past 4, due to technical difficulties the show started a little late but I am sure the show will make up for it. Wait, what. What am I seeing? What in the blue hell as those shoes the announcer is wearing? Check these monsters out.
After seeing those monstrosities I was just about ready for the opening contest. Out came my arch nemesis and overall bad guy Buzzsaw Bronson. He was lucky I was wearing my jeans and not shorts because we all know when the shorts are on its go time. Who would face him? Give me 100 guesses and I wouldn’t have been able to predict what I actually saw. The Community Centre was suddenly filled by the sweet sound of The Specials – A Message to you Rudy and out came a man described as the “Jamaican Bobsled Sensation” kitted out in a replica Cool Runnings style outfit, topped with a Jamaican flag round his shoulders. It was of course, Derice Coffie. Out of nowhere he pulled from his waist a lucky egg. It was at this point I nearly died and went to heaven. The only way it could get better actually happened, the referee kissed the lucky egg without realising just how close to his male genitalia the egg was actually placed. Anyway, laughs over its time for our opening contest.
Buzzsaw Bronson vs Derice Coffie
Early on Buzzsaw really wore Derice down. Cries of “Bronson sucks” echoed through the arena by the machine that is Bronson shut out the cries and kept on top of Coffie, breaking occasionally to tell the children in the front row to shut up. After a counter from the Jamaican bobsled sensation, Bronson was sent sprawling to the floor off the back of a springboard dropkick. The momentum shifted there and then. A springboard back elbow followed by a hurricarana sent Bronson sprawling again and Coffie was flying. Flying until he leapt over the top rope only to be caught and planted into the ring post by Buzzsaw. Bronson dragged his opponent back into the ring to deliver what can only be described as the most beautiful back suplex I have ever seen. But Coffie stayed in it. Then suddenly Coffie was hit by a monstrous F5. Both men were down until Bronson covered Derice, 1, 2. Shoulder up. Bronson set up him up for another one only to be countered into a springboard flying press from the middle turnbuckle, 1, 2, 3! He got him. Derice Coffie has won his debut match for Gloucester Wrestling.
Winner via pinfall: Derice Coffie “The Jamaican Bobsled Sensation”
What a whirlwind of an opener. Time for a breather? No chance. The referee and announcer are ready for the next match and so am I. Out come Gloucester Wrestling’s baddest tag team The Bruisers. Seeking yet more victims after their win last time out in a 2 vs 3 handicap match just before Christmas. Crippler Gordon grabs the mic and proceeds to berate the children who are mouthing off to him. Gordon points out that they were embarrassed by Sid Scala and Iestyn Rees and issued a challenge to anyone brave enough to step into the ring with them. Out came Travis Banks and one half the The Magnums, Filthy Chris Walker. And we were set for match number two.
Something to note just as the match was about to start was the fact that Matt Lomaxx genuinely turned around to a group of children and said that Santa Claus is not real. Something that even Gordon didn’t seem to appreciate. Early doors saw The Bruisers ground, pound and isolate Chris Walker. Through predictable fiendish tactics they kept Walker in their corner. Once he tagged in Banks I expected a change in fortunes but the Bruisers set to work on Banks. Keeping him buried in the corner even more than Walker was. Banks turned it around however with a running elbow to Gordon in the corner. But just as Banks tagged in Walker and they were building a head of steam Gordon hit him with a thumb to the eye. But no, once again the match turned back right around after Walker countered a Gordon sleeper into a jawbreaker, allowing him to tag in the fresher Banks. The finish came when the match broke down. After Gordon sent Chris Walker out of the ring he and Lomaxx were hit by a Travis Banks double dropkick but soon the numbers game took its toll. Lomaxx hit Banks with a powerbomb/pildriver combo for the win.
Winners via pinfall: Matt Lomaxx & Crippler Gordon, The Bruisers
The announcer with the dodgy shoes is out again. He announces that this is the main event of the first half of the show. The match will feature two more debutants to the Gloucester Wrestling arena. And after The Specials earlier in the evening I can now here the beats of Dizzee Rascal. He really is just a rascal. Out comes the one and only Bubblegum. I instantly take a dislike to him and his Manchester City away shirt. He is subject to abuse regarding the upcoming Capital One Cup final against Liverpool. Obviously a few locals in. Chants of “Man City sucks” are filling my ears almost at an annoying level. Out comes his opponent, Jim Hunter.
Bubblegum vs Jim Hunter
The start of this match was full of heat on Bubblegum, being chased outside the ring by children. They really wouldn’t let up on the Manchester City sucks and other chants. It was unbearable for me let alone the man whom it was aimed at. When the wrestlers locked up Bubblegum soon got on top, culminating in Hunter attempting a running splash onto him in the corner, Bubblegum dodged it and super-kicked hunter in the side of the head. 1, 2, shoulder up.
Hunter managed to gain some offense on his opponent and it didn’t take too long before a flurry of attacks lead to Hunter hitting Bubblegum with a big back body drop then a bulldog, nearly putting him away. The match was poised and could do either way at this point, and the end came in controversial fashion. Bubblegum rolled through on a sunset flip and held the legs of Hunter for the pin, holding the ropes to secure the three count.
Winner via pinfall: Bubblegum
Post-match saw Jim Hunter dispute with the referee about the legitimacy of the pinfall but to no avail. Bubblegum scurried away up onto the stage knowing he had stolen one. And that is the intermission folks
The first match of the second part was the match I was looking forward to the most when I saw it was announced on Gloucester Wrestling’s Twitter account earlier in the day, it would see the Lionhearts go 1 on 1 with each other. Jason Larusso vs Eddie Ryan. Ryan wanted answer for his partner’s actions last time out when he turned on Sid Scala and took him out in the main event. Just how would this go down? Well the announcer has announced them as “former partners” so lets see how this goes.
The two stood there, staring each other down. Eddie Ryan kept repeating to Larusso that “You made me do this.” Larusso didn’t take too kindly to being underestimated this way. However, history shows when Larusso is doubted he performs, that is why he is the Number 1 contender for Sid Scala’s Best in Gloucester trophy. They locked up and straight away Ryan’s size advantage was evident. Ryan lifted Larusso up and placed him onto the top rope, like putting an out of control child on the naughty step. This only seemed to rile Larusso who flew down and began to get physical. Larusso dodged an early attempt of a superkick from Ryan, showing signs that these two obviously know each others game well as he knew it was coming. The chemistry was still there as during the opening exchanges both men cancelled each other out. Following a giant hip toss from Ryan, Larusso backed into the corner. As the referee separated the pair Larusso caught Ryan with the most thunderous of slaps. This set Ryan off, big time and he flew onto Larusso, only stopped when he was pulled away by the referee.
It didn’t take long however for Larusso to turn the tables on his tag partner and started working on Ryan’s left knee. Wrapping it around the ropes and posts. Larusso applied a one legged boston crab onto Ryan and just when I thought he was going to tap, the big man managed to grab the bottom rope. Rest-bite, for now. Ryan turned the table with a massive suplex on Larusso and set up for the super kick. Larusso dodged it into an RKO for the 1, 2…NO WAY did he get his shoulder up. Ryan is still in this!
As both men got up, MY GOD A SUPERKICK BY RYAN IT’S OVER! 1.2. KICK OUT. Unbelievable. This could literally go one way or the other, Eddie Ryan is not going to get any closer than that. Larusso takes a while to get up and starts pulling at the middle turnbuckle, pulling it off slightly. As the ref went to put the turnbuckle back together Ryan goes for the superkick and is caught by a swift low blow. Larusso puts Ryan back into the one legged boston crab and just as Ryan was reaching for the ropes Larusso had the presence of mind to pull Ryan into the middle of the ring which forced Ryan to tap. Its over. Three words. WHAT A MATCH!!!
Winner via submission: Jason Larusso
After the match the new and improved Jason Larusso sarcastically slapped Ryan across the shoulder saying “good match mate.” Before getting onto the top rope to taunt. Ryan pushed Larusso to the floor which sent Larusso fleeing up onto the stage. I love Sid Scala to bits but I seriously think I just saw the future Best in Gloucester trophy holder.
How to match that? With one simple thing. The Iestyn Rees Open Challenge. Iestyn Rees makes his way to the ring and exclaims that they couldn’t find him an opponent so he is holding an open challenge to see if anyone wants to take on Gloucester’s main man. The man to answer the call, the one and only T-Bone.
Iestyn Rees vs T-Bone
The early exchanges in this one were cagey and physical as you would have expected. Iestyn Rees tried the sunset flip which T-Bone reversed into a diving knee drop. This lead to T-Bone taking the initiative and control in the match. Throwing Iestyn Rees outside the ring before continuing his work inside the ring. However, after a missed elbow drop Iestyn Rees came back into it with a powerslam and an unbelievable jackhamer, nearly equalling the beauty of Bronson’s suplex earlier on in the night.
Iestyn called for the spear but was dodged by T-Bone who saw his opponent crash into the ring post. The opening T-Bone needed. T-Bone began to ground and pound his opponent and started wrapping Rees’ arm around the ring post. Smart from T-Bone, take out Rees’ spearing and chokeslamming arm.
Rees needed something and fast. And after a counter in the corner Rees flew out at T-Bone and both men caught the other with a flying clothesline. The match had hit its break down.
The finish came when Rees went for the spear, T-Bone dodged but only delayed the inevitable as he charged at Rees and was caught by a spear. 1.2.3 it’s over.
Winner of the Iestyn Rees open challenge via pinfall: Iestyn Rees
The announcer with the god awful shoes came back into the ring as Iestyn made his way to the back to inform us of the conclusion to tonight’s event. The next time Gloucester Wrestling will return to the Churchdown Community Centre will be in April. I as always will be right there.