The Great British Guide To Super Bowl XLIX

We at Severn Sport are big NFL fans, but we are far too busy to write up a guide to this years Super Bowl, so we decided to ask a British NFL fan to do it for us… We ask the questions they tell us all about it, introducing to you, the British NFL Chap.

Good day to you, I am the British NFL chap (@NFLChapUK) I am a typical British man, I drink tea, I love the queen, I have a Sunday roast and I moan about the weather, but one thing I like which is not the norm for a typical British man, although it is building up that way, I love the NFL Premier League over the pond in the United States Of America. I’ve been following it for years now and have been informing my fellow chaps down the pub all about the National Football Premier League and as its the NFL super cup final XLIX (that’s 49 in today’s language) this weekend in Arizonal, I’ve decided to give everyone on the interweb my guide to the 2015 NFL final game.

 

What is the SuperBowl?
The super cup final game is the annual final game of the National American Football Game League, culminating a season that begins in the late summer of the previous calendar year. The game is the champion of the AFC & NFC, playing against each other to be… Erm “Champion Of The World/Only America”.

What are the AFC & NFC?
The AFC is the American Football Conference, which is one half of the NFL. It is made up of 16 teams nationally across America.
The NFC is the National Football Conference, which is the other half of the NFL. It is made up of 16 teams across America, Nationally.

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How to we get a winner from each conference?
Every football club plays a season of games against each other over a 17 week season, the top 6 from each conference go in to the play offs to face the other football clubs in their conference until you’re left with 1 winner from each conference which is the super bowl cup final fixture game.

Who’s in the Super Bowl this year?
It’s the Seattle Seahorses v the “New England” Patriots.

New England?
Yeh I know, Patriots by name but not by nature! If you were truly Patriots you wouldn’t run off miles away to start a New England. Rumour has it, “New England” was created by America during World War 2 as America thought England was going to be taken by the Germans, so created a “New England” and had plans to lift Buckingham Palace by helicopter and move it to the “New England”… Rumour has it. Anyway that didn’t work so they decided to make a cartoon about a typical American family and set it there, it’s called Family Dad or something.

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Seahorses?
Yep, from Seattle, of course they’re not actually Seahorses now, but Seattle actually rose up from the sea in around 1974. The city was created long before then, being the inspiration behind the 1989 film, The Little Mermaid. The Seahorses built a city under the sea and at the same time built up an amazing skill to be able to play world class American football. The Seahorses evolved, move on land and set up in America, to not raise suspicion they added “ttle” to the word “sea” to create Seattle. This is what I’ve heard anyway, rumour has it.

Players to watch?
For “New England” Tim Brady is the man to watch, he is the guy who throws the ball to the runners or passes it to the big man to barge through, quite rudely may I add. Tim has played in 5 super cup finals previous and has won 3. He is one of the most recognisable players in the NFL.
For the Seahorses, Mars-Bar Lynch is the man, he is a striker and is named Mars-Bar as his mother was given a lucrative sponsorship deal with Mars Bar in the UK, a strange move as Mars Bars aren’t sold under the sea, let alone in the U.S, never the less, the deal was done and in return Mars wanted Lynch to become a super star NFL player. He won the Super bowl last year, job done, Mars Bar sales went through the roof… Rumour has it.

What’s this we hear about at half time show?
Ah yes the show at the “real” half time, not the silly short half time, half way through the first and second halves, effectively a quarter. So at the “real” half time, a barely dressed current pop star comes out with an old star to perform for the fans in the terraces and at home whilst the players have their half time tea and oranges. This year it’s the lovely Katy Perry who had a thing with our good old British pal, Russell Brand. She’s performing with Lenny Kravitz. Before you ask if I will watch, Only if the kettle boils and I can make my crumpets and tea in time.

Katy Perry, She Kissed A Girl... Turned Out To Be Russell Brand
Katy Perry, She Kissed A Girl… Turned Out To Be Russell Brand

 

Where is the Super Bowl this year?
It’s being hosted in the Arizonal desert. It has been criticised for being held in the desert as Arizonal is the only NFL stadium to have a pitch totally made of sand. Grass doesn’t grow in the desert and plastic wasn’t wanted as it wanted a natural feel so the desert sand is laid on the football pitch. Specially designed American football flip-flop sandals have been designed for the players to play on the sand as no one wants sand in their shoes. The goal post are 2 cactus planted at each end, finely pruned by the stadiums maintenance team. Despite this our jolly American fellows can still enjoy their favourite football snacks in air conditions concourses lined with hot dog and beer stalls and can still get miniature American flags and foam hands at every turn.

What does the winner get?
The super cup final champions get named “world champions” despite America being the only country involved. They also get a smashing trophy which is presented to the team owner, despite not breaking a sweat sat in his air conditioned executive box. The players all get a super smashing ring to say they won, which can’t be worn during games or training for safety purposes. The Seahorses won last year and the football players will be hoping to add another ring to their fingers.

The Vince Lombardi Trophy Is Presented To The Winner
The Vince Lombardi Trophy Is Presented To The Winner
That's Not A Trophy! THIS Is A Trophy...
That’s Not A Trophy! THIS Is A Trophy…

Who are you supporting British NFL man?
Well I’m not supporting the fake patriots that’s for sure, a “New England?” Are we crazy? HRH the Queen isn’t happy, I’m not happy. Im supporting the Seahorses, they’ve come so far in 40 years, risen up from the sea, building up to win last years Super cup final and with a striker who’s supporting the British chocolate industry, they’re my team. Also on a professional level I think they will beat those cheating, fake “New England” So called Patriots.

 

Enjoy the match chaps,
British NFL Chap
@NFLChapUK

Thank you British NFL Chap, the Super Bowl is live from Arizona this Sunday night/Monday morning on channel 4 and sky sports, keep and eye on Severn sport for the rest of the teams view on this years big game and an audio diary from our Superbowl viewing.

You can hear more from NFL chap on Twitter @nflchapuk.